Wednesday, May 17, 2006

The Fakers

I hate head colds more than any other sickness. Really. I'd rather have a chest cold or even the flu, but nothing makes me feel as disoriented and groggy as a head cold. This one seems to have settled only into my left side - only my left nostril is plugged, I can't hear out of my left ear. It's quite an anomaly. I've been popping DayQuil like candy, but nothing can shake the feeling that there's a fog clinging to my brain behind my eyes. I HATE being sick. Almost as much as I hate my car. ALMOST.

I felt fine yesterday morning and slowly but surely this cold crept up on me throughout the day and had me resting my head on my desk in full-blown misery by the end of the day. I called Matt at 4:30 and we briefly discussed me dropping off my Jetta at the dealership (I must admit, it felt GREAT to drive my own car even if it was just for 15 minutes. Despite how much of an electrical nightmare it is, it is the cutest, most fun car to drive) before I let loose on a tangent about the agony I was suffering. Matt - God love him - whipped together some homemade chicken noodle soup from scratch for me (which was delicious, BTW), kept me well drugged with generic cold relief meds, and even watched American Idol with me regardless that he really hates it. I love being babied when I'm sick - almost as much as I love babying Matt when he's sick.

Today I still feel like shit, but I have my own box of DayQuil (so I don't have to steal it out of my boss's desk) and since there's no kleenex in the office, I've been toting around a roll of toilet paper with me all day. I'm quite a sight, walking around with my DayQuil and toilet paper, infecting the entire office. I'd call in sick but since I took so many paid days off during Matt's deployment for his leave and when he got home, I have very few vacation hours left for the wedding and honeymoon, and one can't earn vacation hours if one doesn't work! Se la vie....

Yesterday I called an old friend to wish him a happy birthday, and it was the first time I'd talked to him for a long time because of unusual melodrama - the story behind this guy is a post all its own, hence the title "the fakers" (but I'm getting to that). For all extensive purposes, we'll call this guy "Bob" - more to protect his identity than anything because I don't doubt that if he were to ever stumble across my page there'd be no question as to who it is I'm talking about. You see, Bob is the one who introduced Matt and I.

Bob has never been a constant in either of our lives. He was my roommate when he introduced me to Matt, but after I moved in with Matt, he had a tendency to disappear from our lives for long periods of time and reappear when he needed something - he's one of those friends, the fair-weather kind. Before Matt deployed, we hadn't heard from him for at least 4 months, he didn't make an effort to see Matt before he left (though I'd left numerous messages on his voicemail that Matt was leaving on Jan 5), and so he never said goodbye and it wasn't until a while after Matt deployed and many phone messages later that Bob finally called to ask for the address to mail stuff to Matt (he never ended up mailing anything) and after that, I didn't hear from him again until the news started running stories about the unit's homecoming.

After Matt got home, Bob wouldn't STOP calling. He'd elbowed his way back into our lives full-force, and was being a say the least. All of a sudden he wanted Matt to go fishing with him, to go do all this stuff with him, to be the best of friends. Matt went fishing with him a couple times, but it got to the point where Bob started calling every single day about fishing, and after you haven't heard from someone for nearly a year and they abruptly start calling non-stop, well, it's just not normal. I came home from work one day to find Bob lingering in our driveway talking to Matt (about fishing no doubt), and as soon as I pulled up, he rapped on my window, I rolled it down and he said, "Can Matt go fishing with me? He told me I'd have to ask you." Please keep in mind that Matt had only been back a few weeks at this point, the deployment was still an open wound, and I was still suffering from Matt withdrawals, trying vainly to make up for lost time, and the fact that going back to work and maintaining normalcy was interferring with that was weighing heavily on me. I told him no. I told him I needed to spend more time with Matt and incidentally, we'd already planned on going couch shopping that day, so I told him that, too. Bob's response was, "What the f**k? You used to be COOL" and then he flipped me off.

"Fakers" is the term we've used to dub those who played little to no part in the deployment but expect to reap all the benefits of a homecoming. They pretend to be greatly affected by the absence of the person who was deployed regardless that they contributed nothing to help the loved ones that person left behind - it's like the person who does no work in a group project at school but still pulls off an 'A' because of the efforts of everyone else. It's ridiculous, it's unfair, and it's extremely inconsiderate of the people who really WERE deeply affected by the deployment (and even more inconsiderate if you happen to flip one of said people off because you believe you deserve some sort of retribution for doing absolutely nothing). Fakers can be friends or family members, and if you've ever experienced a deployment, you've more than likely crossed paths with one.

Bob is a faker. He's a faker with a motive. He made that motive terribly clear when he recently stopped by our house unannounced (I hate unexpected visitors - it's such a pet peeve - and they always overstay their welcome because they were never welcome to being with). He plopped down on our couch and made himself comfortable, apparently totally oblivious to the fact that we were in the middle of dinner, and he asked, "So what am I doing in your guys' wedding?" Now I pose this question to you given what you know from what I've told you in this post, does the fact that this person introduced us (and therefore played a small role in our "happily ever after") mean he should automatically be given a role in our wedding?

Matt has five groomsmen - three close childhood friends, one of our good mutual friends from Reno, and a guy he got to be good friends with while he was deployed - my brothers are ushers, and I have five bridesmaids (which is irrelevant since we're definitely not going to be putting Bob in a dress). There's really no room for Bob - we were planning on asking him to do a reading since we're having a mass with our ceremony, and that seemed ample, but we were both a little taken back that he had the audacity to assume he was in our wedding and to ask us about it, especially considering how little he's done as far as being a friend is concerned. Matt kind of sputtered over a nice way to answer Bob's bold-faced question, as I sat there with my mouth agape, totally speechless (an incredibly rare state for me to be in).

Interestingly enough, Bob's calls and requests to take Matt fishing completely ceased after that, and it wasn't until yesterday when I called to wish him a happy birthday (which was a total bust - his birthday was on the 10th, not the 16th) that we'd talked since then. I'm not really sure what to do in this situation - he's put us in kind of a weird position where we feel almost obligated to somehow include him in our wedding. He did introduce us, but it's not like he could even be a runner up for Friend of the Year. I think asking him to do a reading is substantial, but he's so melodramatic, I'm sure there'd be some bad blood between us always if we didn't stuff him in a tux as a groomsman - even our dog has a bigger role in the wedding. Ohhhh what to do...what to do...


Anonymous Laura said...

Whoa, that is some nerve. I wouldn't give him a job just because of the way he assumed he would be part of the wedding. Although if he had been a good friend all along a comment like that wouldn't be completely ridiculous. Its kind of interesting that he cares though. It seems like most guys are indifferent to whether or not they are asked to be in weddings.
And I'll tell you who the faker was for Robbie's deployment- his family, mainly his mother. I think she mailed him one thing while he was gone. And she never emailed him. My dad actually got really mad at his family because they weren't showing their support at all while meanwhile my dad emailed Robbie constantly and mailed him several packages. Kind of cute though :-)

5/17/2006 5:59 PM

Blogger dyzgoneby said...

Oh I know a Faker/Bob well, except his name is Frank. Just like you, he hasn't done anything for Sniper through this whole deployment. He called recently to ask where he was and didn't even know he has been gone for 3 1/2 months and has until next year. Dumb a$$.

Why he stays in contact with him? He kept us in touch with each other all these years.

When you figure out how to exclude him in your wedding, let me know. I am truly going to need your advice.

5/17/2006 6:48 PM

Anonymous Christy said...

MAN this guy ticks me off! Fakers boil my blood. AGH! I'm telling ya ... don't compromise your happiness for someone like that. Seems to me he has NO regard for you all!

Sorry, blood is boiling. Are these thoughts coherent? lol.

I had a faker. She acted all sad for me when Ryan left, cried and posted this long post on her blog about how SAD she was about him leaving ... (This is my "Disneyworld Bridesmaid, have I called her that around you?) Anyway long story short, she's outta my life ...

What about Bob? Screw 'em!

(Remember that movie? Funny stuff.)

5/17/2006 7:57 PM

Blogger Karen said...

Ahh yes, we had a "Bob" too. I'm with Christy, Screw 'em. He's not worth your time or your energy.

I hear ya on the head cold, I've been fighting one for almost 3 weeks now. At first I thought it was allergies so I loaded up on the Zyrtec. That did nothing and it kept getting worse so I ended up at the doctor. That got me put on an antibiotic for a sinus infection. 14 days later, I'm STILL miserable. And the ONLY think I can take is plain old Sudafed. It does NOTHING. What I'd give for a Day Quill...or even a night quill so I could get some sleep!

5/18/2006 5:51 AM

Anonymous Faith said...

Hi Erika,

I have recently found this blog. I did search on quotes about fake grass and tada. My husband is deployed to Iraq currently and I have been in your shoes.

I feel compelled to tell you that as Catholics (you and me), and a lady having my own church ceremony soon, that you don't need to include him for more than one reason.

First and foremost, he might have introduced you but since then he has made it apparent that his relationship and fishing are a priority over your upcoming marriage. He doesn’t seem the least bit concerned that you are tying the knot; just that he gets some of the attention stemming from the wedding. It actually appears to be a burden, with the “use to be cool” comment.

Secondly, he wasn't there for Matt while he was deployed and therefore has absolutely no right to be involved in a sacrament such as your marriage. How many packages, letters, or emails did he bother sending? That is exactly how I feel about some of my husband’s friends. (We already had our civil ceremony.)

Finally, you have too much going on between your jetta jalopy and a head cold to even waste one second worrying about his "pre-Madonna" feelings. If you are going through the pre-cana practices you definitely don’t need any added stress to make planning more difficult.

Good luck with the jalopy and with the beautiful wedding you have planned.

5/18/2006 6:57 AM

Anonymous Liz said...

Even if you weren't getting married, would you really want someone like that in your and Matt's life? Wedding aside, true friends don't come and go. They stay with you through everything.

He's not really a friend; a casual acquaintance, maybe, but not a friend. And, casual acquaintances don't end up in wedding parties - friends do.

Don't even worry about him. You worrying about this is just giving him your time and attention, which is exactly what he wants but doesn't even come close to deserving.

5/18/2006 9:01 AM

Blogger Nikki said...

I agree with everyone else. You have way too much going on right now to be putting up with his $hit too! I think asking him to do a reading is plenty generous of you.

Hope you feel better soon! Head colds suck!

5/18/2006 11:51 AM

Blogger Courtney said...

That is probably the rudest thing I have ever heard. Oh my gosh. I think having him do a reading is good enough especially since he hasn't been a big part of both of your lives. Tell him you already have an even amount of groomsmen to bridesmaids. Oh and I hope you feel better.

5/18/2006 5:55 PM

Anonymous Jennifer said...

Youre right, everyone has "bobs" during deployments.

I cant believe he flipped you off... I would have punched him in the face, but then again, I tend to be a violent person when it comes to things like that.

5/18/2006 11:13 PM

Blogger Blaez said...

oh yes, the "bobs" in our lives.

Not long after my ex husband and I were married in 2001. He's former AirForce and took his technological training to get an awesome job traveling and doing Governement work. Well, I was here in Arkansas, he was working in the Pentagon. I come home from work one morning to find the towers and all that on the news. Next thing I know my dad is screaming for me to get out of bed. They hit the pentagon. My husband (then husband) was there. I'm sure you all know the whole scenario about the lines being tied up, not hearing from survivors for days, etc. Ya.

Anyways, I tried to carry on with my life. Informed my boss of what was giong on. They told me to go home. I stayed and worked. Nothing much I could do, I had my cell phone on me. Well, my "best friend" at the time, I called her and told her what was going on. She didn't even KNOW my husband for about 10 mins at our wedding and she called in at work, she just couldn't handle the not knowing and this and that... Made me sick.

I ditched her. I wanted her to be there for me, to comfort me, I ended up "comfortign" her..

5/19/2006 4:57 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tell him to take a run and jump. I wouldn't ask him to read the newspaper neverless a reading on the most important day in my life,

5/20/2006 11:13 AM

Blogger Alli said...

ugh, I know how this feels. A reading seems appropriate. Tell him you planned the groomsmen while Matt was gone, and that you hadn't heard a word from him so you assumed he wasn't around. What a mess, I feel for you honey.

5/22/2006 4:06 PM

Anonymous Kim said...

I am so sorry to hear your going through this now, but I understand. A former friend from high school recently called me up after finding out about my engagement, telling me that she would under no circumstances wear pink in my wedding. I was however not so nice to tell her that she was not in the wedding, and my maid of honor was a newer friend from work. This was a couple of months ago and I have yet to hear from her agian. Now I'm seriously debating wether to send her an invite or not. And a huge thank you for giving me an idea of what to do with my own brothers for the wedding. I have 8 bridesmaids and my better half has 8 groomsmen (all his family) I never even thought to ask them to be ushers instead of having them stand up with us. THANK YOU

5/22/2006 6:22 PM


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